November 1, 2017 – Prize Patrol notification  

        Normally I toss out every one of the Publishers Clearing House notifications.  However, the manila envelope of this one caught my attention as the postmark has a face front eagle against a waving flag background.  Of course, it was in black ink and is a presorted reduced rate postmark.  Enough said about that.  I often pause and admire good artwork – wherever it may show up.

        Every time I see a TV commercial for Publisher’s Clearing House where you see the thrilled winners I question out loud,

        “Where does the money come from?  Magazine subscriptions can’t generate that kind of money on a continuous basis – this has to be phony-baloney.”

        The letter was a one-page letter with no stickers to keep to verify a winning number or magazines to buy.  But, I must share it with you because it is the most amusing, no outrageous, advertising spin I have encountered to date.

        “. .. it is policy . . . not to provide any advance notice to our winners . . . .our commercials have featured the authentic moment when the Prize Patrol surprises winners for over 25 years.”

        Okay, they caught my naïve attention.

        “. . . however, this policy often leads to less than ideal circumstances . . . .  recent winner notifications have not lived up to our expectations. . . . some winners were overwhelmed . . . and were speechless.”

        I bold this next part for you:  “I hope you can understand that these types of reactions are not ideal for our TV commercials.”

        WHAT?  The next paragraph . . .   “In the event you are selected the winner, will you be fully prepared to give a “TV-worthy” winner reaction for the cameras?”

        OH MY . . . I am chuckling now.

        This reminded me of a scene out of Casablanca when the Germans were rolling in to Paris and Rick and Ilsa [Bogart and Bergman are the actors] and at a small café in the Montmartre. A shadow on the floor reflects the café sign “La Belle Aurore.” [In my opinion, one of the most outstanding visuals of all cinema.]    I apologize for the length of this insert – but do try to enjoy it.

CUT TO: 

INTERIOR of LA BELLE AURORE - AFTERNOON

A small cafe in the Montmartre. A shadow on the floor reflects
the cafe sign "La Belle Aurore."

Rick, at the bar, gets glasses and a bottle of champagne.

He walks over to Ilsa and Sam at the piano.

Sam plays "As Time Goes By."

Ilsa seems unnerved. There is evidently something on her
mind.

Rick pours the champagne. His manner is wry, but not the
bitter wryness we have seen in Casablanca.

RICK
Henri wants us to finish this bottle
and then three more. He says he'll
water his garden with champagne before
he'll let the Germans drink any of
it.

Sam looks at his glass.

SAM
This sort of takes the sting out of
being occupied, doesn't it, Mr.
Richard?

RICK
You said it!
(to Ilsa)
Here's looking at you, kid.

Suddenly a loudspeaker BLARES out something in German. Rick
and Ilsa look at each other, then hurry to the window.

RICK
My German's a little rusty.

ILSA
It's the Gestapo. They say they expect
to be in Paris tomorrow.

They are telling us how to act when they come marching in.

She smiles faintly.

ILSA
With the whole world crumbling, we
pick this time to fall in love.

RICK
Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where
were you, say, ten years ago?

ILSA
Ten years ago? Let's see...
(pause as she thinks
a bit)
...Yes. I was having a brace put on
my teeth. Where were you?

RICK
Looking for a job.

Ilsa looks at him tenderly. Rick takes her in his arms, and
kisses her hungrily. While they are locked in an embrace
they hear the dull BOOM of cannons.

ILSA
(frightened)
Was that cannon fire, or is it my
heart pounding?

RICK
(grimly)
Ah, that's the new German 77. And
judging by the sound, only about
thirty-five miles away.

Another BOOM from the cannons.

RICK
And getting closer every minute.
Here. Drink up. We'll never finish
the other three.

SAM
The Germans will be here pretty soon
now, and they'll come looking for
you. And don't forget there's a price
on your head.

Ilsa reacts to this worriedly.

RICK
I left a note in my apartment. They'll
know where to find me.

Ilsa looks at Rick.

ILSA
Strange. I know so very little about
you.

RICK
I know very little about you, just
the fact that you had your teeth
straightened.

He chuckles.

ILSA
But be serious, darling. You are in
danger and you must leave Paris.

RICK
No, no, no, no. We must leave.

ILSA
(seriously)
Yes, of course, we --

RICK
-- The train for Marseilles leaves
at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at
your hotel at four-thirty.

ILSA
(quickly)
No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I
have things to do in the city before
I leave. I'll meet you at the station,
huh?

RICK
All right. At a quarter to five.
(a thought strikes
him)
Say, why don't we get married in
Marseilles?

Rick chuckles again.

ILSA
(evasively)
That's too far ahead to plan.

RICK
Yes, I guess it is a little too far
ahead. Well, let's see. What about
the engineer? Why can't he marry us
on the train?

ILSA
Oh, darling!

Suddenly Ilsa turns away and starts to cry.

RICK
Well, why not? The captain on a ship
can. It doesn't seem fair that...
Hey, hey, what's wrong, kid?

ILSA
I love you so much, and I hate this
war so much. Oh, it's a crazy world.
Anything can happen. If you shouldn't
get away, I mean, if, if something
should keep us apart, wherever they
put you and wherever I'll be, I want
you to know...

She can't go on. She lifts her face to his. He kisses her
gently.

ILSA
Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the
last time.

He looks into her eyes, then he does kiss her as though it
were going to be the last time.

Her hand falls to the table and knocks over a glass.

CUT TO:

        Sorry, I do give you too much Casablanca information – but that scene – the entire scene is so poignant; from the reflection of the café name on the floor in shadows to the ending of the knocked over glass on the table.  It is the meat and potatoes of the movie – Casablanca.

The line I was going for was:

They are telling us how to act when they come marching in.

         

        Now that the line has sunk in – let me refer back to the letter.

        November 1-2, I should receive a letter indicating I am eligible for this prize; December 20, the winner is selected and the prize patrol will start to make plans for their surprise visit. [Should be simple they can find me on GPS. I don’t actually live in no-wheres-ville; I only say that when I can’t find what I want in a local store.] THEN, on December 22, the prize patrol will knock on the winner’s door.

        “Should you be the winner, Dave Sayer will announce [you] as the winner of our “Turn Back Time” Prize: win-for-life payments for the past 10 years - - that’s $2.6 million at once plus $5,000 a week for Life.”

        “I hope that providing you with the above schedule . . . you can start to imagine how you would react if the prize patrol knocked on your door – would you give us the terrific winning  moment we’d be looking for?” [Bold enhanced by Moi.]

        You bet your very last magazine I could knock them dead with my over the top surprise and gush, scream, cry and even twirling dance around – which as my close friends know is not my real nature. But, hey, $2.6 million – I could turn into the best 30 seconds ever recorded for Publishers Clearing House.

        Now that I know I may have VIP visitors with a bag full of loot out on my front step with cameras rolling  . . . I will be doing ‘over-the-top’ decorating of my front door.

        This year I will make that huge greenery design on the front steps.  And, I will mark my calendar so that I get up extra early on December 22 – a Friday – and do my hair and makeup and get into some nice clothes – instead of flopping around in my pajamas and slippers cleaning the house until mid-morning.

        I need to start practicing my lines . . . how about:

        “Oh, how wonderful, with this unexpected winning I can now start that Fat woman’s pantyhose company and put all the fat women, including myself, to work here in this county that need jobs.  FAT WOMEN WILL RISE UP AND BE SUCCESSFUL ONCE THEY START WEARING MY FAT-WOMAN PANTYHOSE THAT ACTUALLY FITS THEM.  WITH MY HELP, FAT WOMEN WILL NO LONGER HAVE TO HIDE IN PANTS. THEY CAN AGAIN WEAR FEMININE DRESSES AND BE BEAUTIFUL AND FAT SHOWING THEIR SHAPELY LEGS.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!”