Don’t you sometimes wish someone would say to you –

January 14, 2020 – Don’t you sometimes wish someone would say to you –

         “You are amazing, precious, wonderful, sparkling, miraculous, special, and uniquely you!”

         WOW – what a compliment that would be – but then – would I believe it?  No, I’d probably say, “How sweet of you, but I am far from that.”

         Do you notice that you never just accept a compliment?  A compliment is a “gift” to you from a friend or stranger or business associate.  Why do we sully it by not being gracious?  Why do we do that?

         Dr. Terry Ledford recently wrote about this exact situation.  It was entitled “Disqualifying the positive” and you can find his website at www.TerryLedford.com.

         His articles are often in our local paper, The Daily Courier and when I see his picture with his name below it – I always take the time to read his article.

         He asks – do you react to a criticism the same way you react to a compliment?  WOW – good question. 

         He continues, “Most people replay, analyze and long remember criticism or failures. No so much with compliments.”

         He further says:  “Think of your self-esteem as a bank savings account.  When you internally recognize a positive attribute, an accomplishment or a success, you make a deposit.  When you experience a criticism, a weakness or a failure, you make a withdrawal.”

         Sit with that for a while.

         He continues: “When your withdrawals exceed your deposits, your self-esteem account becomes overdrawn.  Your “insufficient funds” notice may come in the form of depression, anxiety, helplessness, or loss of motivation.”

The full article is at:

 http://www.terryledford.com/?s=disqualifying+the+positive&submit=Search

         Me, I want a busting-the-seams self-esteem bank account to get me over the ‘dud’ ideas or projects that I try and fail at.  It gives me enough “capital” to pull myself up by the bootstraps and try again.

         Someone once told to me it is a sign of “grace” to accept a compliment.  If you don’t accept a compliment well, learn some grace – it’s good for you.  And, while you are at it – toss out honest compliments freely – it will make you feel good and you might become a “. . . rainbow to someone’s cloud.”

        

        

June 20, 2017 – “You’ve a lovely view . . .”

“You’ve a lovely view out your bathroom window.” My friend mentioned when she came out of the bathroom.   

   

     My heart leapt in my chest at the compliment.  A friend was visiting and she needed to use the rest room and I sent her through to the master bathroom. I thought, ‘How lovely she noticed and said something. And, yes, I see that view every day and admire it myself.’

       

     "The brick patio looks great from that window – doesn’t it?” I answered.  I got no additional comment and was disappointed, but then I should expect that.  No one passes out compliments freely anymore – except me.  When I see something lovely or interesting – I admire it and let the person know.

        Why is everyone so stingy with compliments these days?

     Years ago when I was a paralegal in Spartanburg, I sat in on a meeting to take notes of a conference between my boss and an elegant older man, who was well known in Spartanburg, South Carolina.  He had narrowly escaped the German death camps in Hungary in the mid 1940s and came to America.  He was well known, in fact, a building was named in his honor at Wofford College.

     He complimented me, which surprised me as we were in a business setting and I was only there for the purpose of taking notes.  I blushed and whispered, “Thank you that was nice of you.”

    He was amused that I blushed and said something about what is wrong about this world. I remember it as: No one gives people compliments anymore.  It is not as if they are reaching down into the bottom of their pocket and pulling out money . . . compliments are free.

     You can visit the following site and learn all about this elegant man that taught me the power of the compliment – a lesson I learned firsthand from a pro.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandor_Teszler#cite_ref-1

     From that moment onward in my life I have been passing out compliments [FOR FREE] because paying a sincere compliment feels even better than receiving one.

     All these years I have been receiving some of the nicest dividends from it in the form of big smiles, soft chuckles or even laughter and sometimes: “You’ve made my day” or simply a slow soft smile or nod or a blush.

     So, when I received the compliment at the opening of this blog I reveled in it and felt I had been given a big fat expensive gift.

     Then, I decided to browse the internet about compliments and possibly the etiquette thereof and fell upon a lovely website noted below.

        Nataly Kogan writes: 

“We all know how great it is to receive a compliment; research shows getting a sincere compliment gives us the same positive boost as receiving cash!  But did you know that the health and happiness benefits to the compliment giver are also well-documented?  Compliments really are one of the easiest two-way streets available in terms of spreading happiness around you and increasing our own. The more you compliment, the better you feel.”

Then Nataly gives you a wonderful list of 100 ready-made compliments to get you started on your journey of learning the art of compliments and getting a payback as good as cash.

https://www.happier.com/blog/nice-things-to-say-100-compliments