Don’t you sometimes wish someone would say to you –

January 14, 2020 – Don’t you sometimes wish someone would say to you –

         “You are amazing, precious, wonderful, sparkling, miraculous, special, and uniquely you!”

         WOW – what a compliment that would be – but then – would I believe it?  No, I’d probably say, “How sweet of you, but I am far from that.”

         Do you notice that you never just accept a compliment?  A compliment is a “gift” to you from a friend or stranger or business associate.  Why do we sully it by not being gracious?  Why do we do that?

         Dr. Terry Ledford recently wrote about this exact situation.  It was entitled “Disqualifying the positive” and you can find his website at www.TerryLedford.com.

         His articles are often in our local paper, The Daily Courier and when I see his picture with his name below it – I always take the time to read his article.

         He asks – do you react to a criticism the same way you react to a compliment?  WOW – good question. 

         He continues, “Most people replay, analyze and long remember criticism or failures. No so much with compliments.”

         He further says:  “Think of your self-esteem as a bank savings account.  When you internally recognize a positive attribute, an accomplishment or a success, you make a deposit.  When you experience a criticism, a weakness or a failure, you make a withdrawal.”

         Sit with that for a while.

         He continues: “When your withdrawals exceed your deposits, your self-esteem account becomes overdrawn.  Your “insufficient funds” notice may come in the form of depression, anxiety, helplessness, or loss of motivation.”

The full article is at:

 http://www.terryledford.com/?s=disqualifying+the+positive&submit=Search

         Me, I want a busting-the-seams self-esteem bank account to get me over the ‘dud’ ideas or projects that I try and fail at.  It gives me enough “capital” to pull myself up by the bootstraps and try again.

         Someone once told to me it is a sign of “grace” to accept a compliment.  If you don’t accept a compliment well, learn some grace – it’s good for you.  And, while you are at it – toss out honest compliments freely – it will make you feel good and you might become a “. . . rainbow to someone’s cloud.”

        

        

March 9, 2017 – A view from the kitchen window

          I made certain that I have a nice view from the kitchen window when I planned my gardens here at this house.  I knew I would be standing there washing pots and pans and dishes for many years to come.  Near the window is a bird feeder that gives us great delight and has an array of birds due to my husband spending the little extra on premium bird seed.

          And the driveway garden right now has King Alfred daffodils in bloom on the slight bank which it the garden view which is directly in front of the kitchen sink in this house.   Those yellow faced daffodils are dancing in the sun.  They miraculously bounced back after the hard freezes this last weekend.  What a delight to see for two reasons: Alfred is my dad’s given name and secondly, my longtime, childhood friend sent the bulbs to me as a house warming gift when I moved to this house. Through valiant care over the years, they have survived and still bloom.

          I noticed this morning the sun glinting in on the cobalt blue cereal bowl as I hand washed it.  I smiled to myself remembering something I said to a friend at church maybe 20 years ago.  She has since moved away, but was a lovely woman.  She was a psychologist who didn’t seem to act like a psychologist when she interacted with you in public.   I remember telling her I got a surprise gift from my Mom of cobalt blue plates that are so pretty to wash because the sun glints into the kitchen sink window and I sort of get lost in thought just washing them with the suds and witnessing the clarity of the blue glass and the way the sun casts a blue shadow.

          She said, “You’ll never need psychotherapy" in a jesting sort of way. Then touching my arm she leaned in and whispered advice, "Never throw those dishes out.”

          And, it happens that in today’s Daily Courier there was an article by Dr. Terry Ledford entitled “Making everyday tasks pleasurable”.  What a coincidence.    He mentions, “ . . . you might enjoy the view from your kitchen window, while washing dishes.”

It is a good read for anyone who seems to be smothered in the everyday tasks that can get you down.   You know, those things on your “to-do” list that you have to do every day.

          I’ll repeat here what Dr. Ledford suggested:

If you have to do them every day, you might as well enjoy them.

Ledford’s website is www.TerryLedford.com

September 4, 2016 - Recommend two books

On September 1, 2016, Dr. Terry Ledford's column in The Daily Courier struck a high note with me.  It is from his series of articles on negative thinking, self-esteem, and relationships. He references Dr. David Burns, “The Feeling Good Handbook”.  [An aside, digging through my book shelf for something else last night I ran up on two copies of this book in paperback.  One I had bought myself and the second one my Mom had sent me as a gift.] 

Ledford asks if you down play a compliment in order to appear humble or modest.  Well – YES – I seem to do that all the time – but I will put a disclaimer on that.    I do it out in the public arena, or interacting with work associates or with people that don’t know me well. 

BUT, I don’t do that with my close friends.   You know the type of friends I mean, the ones that drop by the house, curl up on the sofa with you and share a cup of coffee, and you have a good ‘chat up’ about everything including the topics you friendly disagree on.

In fact one friend on more than one occasion while I had been “tooting my own horn” on something that I am accomplished in facetiously said “you sure are humble, aren’t you?”   It did make me pause for a split second, but then I let it pass the first time.  The second time, I paused a little longer.   My self-esteem was challenged?  Was that why I paused?

I love the way Ledford compares one’s down playing your compliments with not down playing your criticisms.  Recently I had to stand up for what is right and moral and fight back hard.   In order to do this I had to push the potential bad criticisms to arm’s length and motivate myself with personal power.

I love the analogy Ledford makes when he wants you to think of your self-esteem as a bank savings account and taking your compliment or success and depositing it.  [Reflecting back on my life, I like my self-esteem saving account balance – it has more value than my real savings account.]

I want to link that thought to ‘we all have personal power’.  Some of us have more than others.  Some of us only tap into it when the going gets tough and the tough get going.

Let me tie this back to a book Dr. Ledford recommended this last spring called “Presence, Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges” by Amy Cuddy.  Having only read Dr. Ledford’s column about it one day I picked up the telephone and recommended it to a friend who knew someone going through a tough patch of depression.  I recommended the book without even reading it because Ledford’s column had struck a note with me then as well.

The same day I immediately ordered a copy of it for my reading.  Do you know what I mean when someone says they “inhaled” a book?  Well, I inhaled “Presence” – staying up late at night and squeezing time out of my busy schedule to get through it quickly.  The book is AWESOME.  It is on the corner of my desk with a note to re-read it as I know I was half awake at times when I was reading and I may have missed something important.

I find when you connect the information from his column on “Presence” with how you handle a compliment – you have something unbelievable to work with within yourself.  I drew on that yesterday and I got a surprise “win-win” that I didn’t expect.  It was a long shot; but it turned out in my favor.  YIPEE!

I specifically enjoyed Dr. Ledford’s suggestion: “Make a conscious attempt to acknowledge your strengths. Consider your positive traits.  Enjoy your successes.” 

Yes, thank you, I will do that.

Dr. Terry Ledford’s website is:   

www.TerryLedford.com