August 9, 2018 – Uncertainty, Stress, Change?

         Which one is it today for you? [I am calmer now, my hamstring is healing and I am getting around and actually functioning again – not 100% - but getting a little better each day.  It has been a difficult journey for me.]

Uncertainty?

Stress?

Change?

         “Life is uncertain – the only thing consistent in life is change.”

         I have that typed quotation tucked into the back flap of my personal telephone book.  In my handwriting I’ve added:

Uncertainty – just embrace it.

          

Everything changes.  The clock continuously moves. You change, your job changes, your friends change, the seasons change, the weather changes. Honestly, what does not change?

         There are times I feel stressed, I feel uncomfortable, I seem to be looking into the unknown. I have to tell myself to take the emotion out of it.  I have to remind myself go with the flow – just embrace it. 

Sometimes it’s good to even challenge it by saying out loud to yourself. “Can it be worse?”  If it could, then you can count your blessings it is not worse.

I call it my “reality check” or the “what if?”  What is real and what is emotion?  What if I do this, or what if I do that?

         There is a movie scene in Out of Africa where Meryl Streep as Karen Blixen and Robert Redford as Denys George part from each other.  [Shooting Script, page 145]

         It is the last scene where Denys is alive. Denys has another engagement and wants to meet her on Friday.

         Karen is disappointed.  The script:



DENYS

I’ve got something to arrange tomorrow.  Near Tsavo.  But I’ll be back early enough on Friday.  Will that be all right?

KAREN

Of course.

DENYS

Promise you’ll wait.

KAREN

I promise.

[then she continues]

              I’ve got this little thing I’ve learned to do just lately . . . When it’s so hard I think I shan’t go on, I try to make it worse. . .



         I found that scene poignant.  It resonated with me the first time I saw the movie.  Once a year I re-watch that movie and that scene always makes me pause.

When something isn’t going my way, and I’ve failed, or the turn of events have left me stunned. I mentally do the same thing. I try to make it worse. 

         I imagine that the situation is even more disastrous in order to glean understanding of the tragedy or high drama with a detached vision. By a detached vision, I mean put some distance on it – imagine it is happening to someone else, not me.   Sometimes an outsider can see it more clearly.

         Or, I say to myself:

There has to be a silver lining in this dark cloud somewhere. What have I learned from this? Let me look at this from a different angle. Is this hurdle going to set me back or stop me?  I need to buck up and be resilient. I need to re-center myself.

         I look for whatever is good and appreciate that.  It might be just a little thing, but a little good thing – is better than nothing.

         After I embrace it and accept it, I try to spin it into a useful challenge.  Sometimes that is hard to do and I take my Mom’s advice which was always “Sleep on it, things will look different in the morning.”

         Another friend gave me some motherly advice once when I was in a dreadful down turn.  “Give it up to GOD.  He has plans for you.  They are HIS plans, not your plans.  Often your plans are not what He wants for you.”

She continued, “Just give it up to him and call out to him. God you’ve got different plans than I have.  You must know something I don’t.  Can you tell me your plans? That is, at your convenience, of course.”  Say a prayer and leave it in his hands for a day or two. 

Mom also used to say:  “You are the most important person. You need to take care of you.”  She’d then make suggestions that could make me feel better.

Polish your shoes.

Clean your purse.

Wash and vacuum your car.

Do your hair nice and put on some lipstick.

Pick some flowers in your garden and bring them in.

And, if it was in the evening she’d say:

Put fresh sheets on your bed, take a long shower, and go to bed.

If I didn’t feel better in the morning, I’d shift into making my environment nicer.  Take out the trash, wash the kitchen floor, scrub the shower stall, or dust the furniture.  I’d do something constructive yet mindless so that my subconscious could work on the issue.

If that fails, there is also the old standby:

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Call a dear friend and go out for coffee and dessert.