Wedding anniversary – 42 years

February 18, 2020 – Wedding anniversary – 42 years

“Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence –

is the key to unlocking our potential.”

– Winston Churchill

         Forty-Two (42) is awesome when you attach it to how many years one has been married.  It sounds impressive when you remember what was said when you were age 23 and just getting married for the first time.  Well-meaning friends (?) said things like, “I thought she’d never marry”, “Better late than never,” and my favorite one, “It won’t last.”

        

         I am delighted to say, I’ve proved them all WRONG.

         I had a handful of girlfriends at my wedding, the majority were already divorced, and I made sure that all those divorced gals were in the pack when I tossed my bouquet off the back step into the snowy night. Liz Wasel, unmarried, caught it. Of course, I, the bride, cheated,  I tossed it directly at her.

         Liz married a few years later and had a successful marriage except she died leaving a grieving husband who had been a widower when they had met and started dating.  Her husband was more than heartbroken losing a second wife.

         When I reflect on my wedding, I reflect on the perplexed look on Liz’s face when she caught the bouquet.  I read it as, “Yeah, get married, to whom?”

         Marriage is difficult – it is give and take and not everything in life is fair.  Sometimes you have to take the back seat because someone else is making the ‘serious money’ paycheck and you are just the dingy floating along the wicked sail of life. You are still having a great time, but sometimes it bruises your self-esteem.

         Over the past 40 years, I have met many new divorcee’s and old divorcee’s as well as those just engaged and those that have become sudden widows.  Each has their own story to tell and I sometimes don’t grasp it, like they can’t fathom my marriage story.  Mine is 42 years of twists and turns; ups and downs; sadness and delight, and it is not yet done.

         With intimate friends, I jest sometimes about my marriage saying, “It is a death struggle” [with a chuckle], a phrase my husband and I have used affectionately over the years because we do scream and shout and argue. I sometimes stomp my feet and toss my hair for effect, as well.

         We have to blow off the steam and move on.  At least shouting and screaming we both know who doesn’t like what and we can make amends and improve our lot, our situation, and continue to cleave together as one.

         I love giving advice when asked about a happy marriage or a long marriage, I answer as follows:

         The first key is: Always make sure you have toilet tissue in the house.

         The second key is: Acquiescence

         Then add: Continuous effort

In memory of Elizabeth Wasel Stockwell

1955 to 2004

Liz, I still miss you.