January 11, 2018 – A Christmas Play from 1984

         I am a confirmed packrat – but there are some things well worth saving and preserving.  Cleaning today, I found a 1984 script I wrote for a sound recording to my parent’s as part of their Christmas present.  Below is the script.  Reminder – PC’s were something new at the time.  I recorded our voices on a cassette tape, which was listened to on a small tape recorder my parents owned.  My husband read the Santa part and I read the ME part and I jangled the bells.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Jingle bells coming from the distance to up close.

SANTA:

HO  HO  HO!

Merry Christmas           Merry Christmas

ME:

Oh!  It’s Santa

SOUND EFFECTS:

Jingle bells for a few seconds

ME:

Come in Santa . . . But you’re not really dressed like Santa.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Jingle bells for a few seconds

SANTA:

You like the new swim trunks Mrs. Claus Made?  The fur trim doesn’t look too snappy when it’s wet. But, I look great surfing!  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

ME:

Shouldn’t you be at the North Pole – you know – checking your list twice?

SANTA:

Got a new IBM pc to do that Missy.  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

ME:

What about your elves?  Don’t they need supervision or inspiration?

SANTA:

HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Mrs. Claus has gone women’s lib on me.  You know since Mondale choose that *Ferraro woman as his running mate. She’s been managing the elves.  HO HO HO

Hope she does better than Ferraro did in the election or we’ll have some PRETTY UNHAPPY BOYS AND GIRLS this Christmas.  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Besides, little girl, I need a good tan for all the publicity shots I’ll be taking in the next few weeks.  HO HO HO

ME:

Isn’t it a little warm for your reindeer Santa?

SANTA:

Heat is no problem!  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Last year I almost lost Dancer and Prancer to GATORS!

I hide them I the Everglades.  HO HO HO

If it hadn’t been for their good olde soft shoe routine – a Gator would have got ‘em.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

ME:

Oh – How dreadful Santa!  Where are they now?

SANTA:

Their visiting family at Benson’s Animal Farm.  They made connections at Logan with PEOPLE’S EXPRESS . . . you know, the no frills airline – non-stop to Sunny Florida HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

ME:

Oh?  Making some early deliveries here in Florida, Santa?

SANTA:

HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Nope, brought no presents – no frills means no baggage.  I had to travel light.  HO HO HO  - Swim trunks, sandals and shades all I need for some R&R.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

HO HO HO

ME:

Santa, aren’t you afraid someone will recognize you down here relaxing in the sun before the big day?

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Nah.  During the day I mix with the beach bums up in Ft. Lauderdale.  HO HO HO

At night I hang out with the vagrants . . . with my sooty old suit and beard, I fit right in.  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

ME:

But, Santa, you haven’t told me why you’ve come to visit me.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Just checking your address Missy.  You sure move around a lot.

YUP . . . this is an improvement over New Jersey.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Whistle

SANTA:

Chimney is brand spanking clean.  You know, last year I bumped into a pair of raccoons in your chimney and it was a tight squeeze – dirty too.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

My IBM pc was spurting out all kinds of nonsense.  Had your address as Penang, Malaysia, wherever that is. Girl, I have enough trouble getting’ everything delivered state side.  **Malaysia!  It would have taken ‘til the middle of February, depending on the typhoon season to deliver your gifts.  HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

But, never you mind.  Glad I found you here in Sunny Florida.

HO HO HO

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

Are you planning on staying put for a while young lady?  Your file record is just terrible, crossed out, written over.

ME:

Santa, you need to use word processing to update your records.

SANTA

HO HO HO

Clever Girl

HO HO HO

ME:

Santa, you’ve check the address, need to check my list and sizes?

SANTA:

Yeah sizes

It’s about time.

[with a dirty leer] HO HO HO

Looking Pretty Slim. Going to stay that way?

ME:

Plan to Santa

SANTA:

[continued dirty leer]  HO HO HO

ME:

OH! Santa!

SANTA:

What would YOU like for Christmas?

HO HO HO

ME:

SNOW! White fluffy snow!

SANTA:

HO HO HO

I’ll see what I can do – But, the Florida Citrus grower’s aren’t going to be too happy about it.

SOUND EFFECTS:

Soft bells

SANTA:

HO HO HO

Merry Christmas

HO HO HO

Merry Christmas

SOUND EFFECTS:

Loud joyful Jingle bells up close and then drifting off into the distance.

EXPLANATORY NOTES: 

We lived in Hollywood, Florida, at the time, and it was a difficult Christmas for us as palm trees and Christmas ornaments just didn’t seem to look right together.  As I recall, we were thin on money and when you are thin on money, you use your imagination to come up with clever gifts. This is what I created with plenty of time and little money. [Of course, my parents got a big laugh out of it.] It took a couple of readings [and possibly drinks] before my husband got into the spirit of the Santa role. [I wonder where this Christmas tape is.  I hope it is in the box of tapes I brought home this fall when I cleaned out Mom’s house.]

*Geraldine Ferraro, was the first Democratic woman to run for Vice President, with Walter E. Mondale, the Democratic Presidential nominee.

** Penang, Malaysia reference is about when we had traveled there in 1984 on a Job interview. [Mom and Dad were delighted it didn’t happen.  But, it was an extremely interesting experience for us.]

The above is a perfect example of when you need to be a packrat.  This Christmas Script I found tucked in a book that Mom gave me that year entitled “Our Family History”.  Along with the script I kept copies of our then current resumes.  The saying – “You’ve come a long way baby” is the truth when we read those old resumes today.

What is so fun about the book is that it has places to list where you lived, your pets, your friends, your automobiles.  My Mom even gathered autographs in 1982 from all the relatives who attended the Family Picnic at Stoddard, New Hampshire that year.  She must have spent a couple of years writing in this book and then sent it on to me.  And, me, I have actually added to it like a good girl. She glued an envelope into the back cover and slipped in  newspaper clippings from when I was a child.

2018 has just started.  It is a brand new year.  If you are looking for something productive to do, I suggest you check your favorite bookstore for one of these empty “Family History” books and take the plunge and fill one out for your benefit or for your children’s benefit. Then, ten, twenty, or thirty years from now it will make for some fine reading and a great place to start dusting off those memories from years past.