December 11, 2017 – Sexual Harassment bandwagon

         The last several weeks have devolved into both men and women wondering how to solve the “sexual harassment” situation in this country.  It is everywhere and has been for decades.  It is in the office, in the boardroom, in the restaurant industry, in government, in the news industry, it’s in every job or occupation I can think of.  Actually, I can’t say where it isn’t.  

         And, surprisingly, it doesn’t have to come from the opposite sex, it can also be between boss and employee of the same sex.

         In my professional life as a secretary and rising through the ranks to office manager and then finally as a CEO of my own company, I have worked chiefly with men.  In the old days – back in the 1970s men were traditionally at the helm of most major corporations.  I trained as a secretary and worked closely with more men than women in most of my jobs.  Back then, my secretarial teachers were women and they suggested we dress with decorum, what they called, “. . . business dress, no cleavage, no bare arms and wear conservative hemlines; you know what I mean.” So, I was aware there could be a problem and when even a whisper of a sexual innuendo came my way, I stepped aside, pretended I didn’t hear and left the water-cooler area or the room.  Obviously, it worked for me because not one time was I literally “chased around the desk” in an office by any man I worked for or groped in the work place.

         Now, I will not count the “wolf whistles” I got on occasion walking to work past construction in some major cities – that was personally flattering in its own way – they were up on the girders and I was down on the broken sidewalk darting in and out of traffic cones to get to my place of business.  I won’t consider the off handed jokes that were a little bit too risqué which I would say “naughty, naughty” and remove myself from the location as soon as possible.  Those gents realized they had stepped past the decency boundaries and zipped their lips the next time they were “being boys” and I entered the room.

         It doesn’t matter if you are a beautiful or a plain woman, I think it is based on power and power tends to corrupt.

         The closest I came to sexual harassment by a man was when an attorney told his best client,

“This is my new secretary, not only does she have good looking legs, she can type as well.”

The attorney laughed but the client reprimanded him quietly after I left the room and the attorney immediately came out and apologized to me.  I thought it was all rather curious since I wore my hemline about 3 inches below my knees at that time.  So, if he thought I had good looking legs, it was his vivid imagination – we both knew I could type.  And, I felt that was only a callous remark which I filed under “boys will be boys”.

But, sexual harassment I found out is also a sport in the social world.  Once I was out for an evening with couples and I happened to be invited for a twirl around the dance floor by my fiancé’s boss and the short-miserable-creep of a man flagrantly pinched me on the butt. “OUCH!” My reflexes kicked in before I realized it and I stepped back and slapped him right across the face and then strutted off the dance floor.  [Yes, I made a scene!]

Other couples were watching, and one man in my group, actually clapped his hands as I arrived at the table and told me, “Well done.”  I was embarrassed and mad and I couldn’t figure out which I was more – mad or embarrassed.

At a wedding, just standing chatting with a cocktail, I received a nasty pinch at a wedding from a fellow male guest.  That pinch, had been witnessed by two gents not too far away, and the “pincher” moved quickly away before I could retaliate.  Male chivalry stepped in and one of the two gents who witnessed it said, “I saw that, do you want me and my brother to take him out in the parking lot and teach him a lesson?”  Flattered by their chivalry I said, “Thanks, but no”. I didn’t think we needed a donnybrook out in the parking lot at a friends’ wedding.

Not much of a sexual harassment history for me in about 48 years of working and living out in the world – now is it?

EXCEPT for one incident that surprised me the most as it was sexual harassment by a women boss.

It started out in a subtle way; when we were busy at the restaurant, the boss lady would call to me as I would have a tray of food to be delivered to the bar, “Hike up those girls” she would call it out from the kitchen along the back corridor.  I was offended because something of that sort should be done in private, if there was an issue.

Trust me, I am old school, I wear a serious brassier to keep them strapped in and hiked up or my clothes don’t hang properly.  I purposely don’t wear tight tops or V-necks so that they are not a focal point.

The boss calling out “hike up those girls” continued a half dozen times, all at the most busy times, so that I couldn’t say anything at the moment as I had to deliver food to the patrons.

But, one day when the restaurant was quiet, [no patrons], in front of two other gals [employees], she started in telling me to hike up my bra straps, etc.  The boss was facing me and the two other gals were behind her looking on.  The looks on their faces were surprising as they were in shock at what she was saying. There were no patrons in the restaurant and I stated,

“They are up, I’ve got on a $50 underwire bra and the straps have already cut grooves into my shoulders ¾ inch deep.  Do you want to see the grooves?”  I pulled the collar of my shirt to my shoulder strap and moved it.  I admit I had a few more things to say before the boss walked away from her parting reprimand of “hike them up”.

I stewed on the “hike them up” for a couple of days and then I filed a complaint with the Human Resources Director for sexual harassment directed against me by a woman.  I spelled it out in the same language as the personnel manual indicated was harassment and it was properly attended to by management.

Why should I take sexual harassment from a woman when I have worked with men for 46 years and never had to deal with it in the workplace? I wouldn’t take it. I did something.  It was the right thing. I would do it again if it happened again.

I hold women to a higher standard because I am a woman.  I also expect any woman who is aware of sexual harassment to step up and file complaints against the perpetrators, even it is against another woman.